A hearty hip hip hooray is in order for Ms. VANESSA VESELKA, whose courageous first novel, ZAZEN, completed its 30-part serialization on the pages of this website last week. Thank you to Stefan Jecusco for the book cover design. And a big thank you to Karin Bolender for getting the original manuscript of this seether in our hands earlier this year.

We’re leaving all 30 chapters online for folks who haven’t read it yet.

ZAZEN is an intense read. The narrator is looking at what’s in front of her—Walmart America—instead of avoiding it (as most of us have trained ourselves to do), and is painfully aware of not only the ecological degradation, species extinction, culture destruction and human suffering that modern consumer capitalism is built on, but also, getting closer to the bone, the heartbreaking inadequacy of progressive activist responses to the horrorshow.

So she starts making credible bomb threats.

One suspects it is the latter plot point that has kept ZAZEN from finding a publisher in 2009, but whatever: it got out there anyway. Ha ha ha.

Chapter 1 — “Burning Ants”
Chapter 2 — “Pregnant Rats”
Chapter 3 — “New Haiku”
Chapter 4 — “Asian Market”
Chapter 5 — “1 800 buy COAL”
Chapter 6 — “Aerial Map of Carnage”
Chapter 7 — “Cherry Blossoms”
Chapter 8 — “Lagerstätte”
Chapter 9 — “The Rat Queen”
Chapter 10 — “Venus Rodere”
Chapter 11 — “Church of Enlightened Capital”
Chapter 12 — “Colony of the Elect”
Chapter 13 — “Manifestation”
Chapter 14 — “Two Rivers”
Chapter 15 — “Head of John the Baptist”
Chapter 16 — “Breath of Soldiers”
Chapter 17 — “The Avalanche Cabin”
Chapter 18 — “Grace Mountain”
Chapter 19 — “The Sea Goat”
Chapter 20 — “Dancehall”
Chapter 21 — “Into the Snow”
Chapter 22 — “Deer Teeth”
Chapter 23 — “Disco”
Chapter 24 — “Hazard Maps”
Chapter 25 — “La Rue des Oiseux”
Chapter 26 — “Road to Laos”
Chapter 27 — “Batholith”
Chapter 28 — “The Skateboard Sutta”
Chapter 29 — “Della’s Mosaic”
Chapter 30 — “Tiny Living Hearts”

Read Vanessa Veselka’s blog: http://vanessaveselka.wordpress.com/

By the time I turned myself in I was pretty run down. No electrolytes at all. My hands and face were chapped and I had a lot of scratches but I was as lucid as I have ever been, clear and attentive. I watched each person who came and talked to me and could almost see the flames licking up around them. I was held as a possible terrorism suspect. Grace and Miro were so proud they could barely stand it. Like it was lefty Christmas just for them. Viva North Pole Libre…

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 29 — “Della’s Mosaic” (pdf)

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: ZAZEN concludes on Friday, December 11 with Chapter 30.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

People will do anything. Smash a kid’s head against a rock. Maim Silver Backs and drag them across a square. Run through landmines to protect someone they’ve never met. Waste their bodies on grace. A high wire, a hurdle, a diving plane. It’s chemistry and people are shifting compounds, not elements like I thought. Sitting up all night, watching the Walmart fail to blow up, I saw an endless spectrum. I don’t mean some soft sell about life on the banks or shades of gray. What I saw was a spectacle. A death chamber. A chandelier. A thousand rooms. By the edge of an industrial park with my face burnt and my swollen duct-taped hands, I finally joined the human race. I became a tenant in that house…

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 28 — “The Skateboard Sutta”

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 29 of ZAZEN will be posted Thursday, December 10. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

The center of the store was an intersection of accessories, electronics, small appliances and ladies’ wear. A bomb in a backpack would do it. Especially if the ceilings were dropped and there was a strong supply of oxygen through the duct system.

I could easily see it on fire. The wicker dogs, the prom dresses, the camouflage strollers burning. It was beautiful and I couldn’t remember why I wanted to stop it. I think that if I had had a bag full of explosives, I might have let it slip, or forgotten it by the greeting cards and silver balloons with the superheroes on them and the ribbons trailing down to tie the fat baby hands to a generation of merchandising, I might have left it there. But I didn’t have a backpack with a bomb in it and if anybody was going to blow up the Superland™ Walmart, it was going to be me. Not some fucking crusty punk…

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 27 — “Batholith”

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 28 of ZAZEN will be posted Wednesday, December 9. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

The three women in front of me were talking about the big demi-anniversary sale at Walmart and how they’d gotten time off from their cleaning jobs and were going down together.

Or they’ll stop selling you cheap shit made by slaves and cared for by cannibals who’d fish out their own pancreas if you gave them a hook? It was just another reason I didn’t mind leaving.

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 26 — “Road to Laos” (pdf)

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 27 of ZAZEN will be posted Tuesday, December 8. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

“I’m staying because it’s the right thing to do,” she said hoarsely. “Because Jules and I made a commitment and because I want to wake up to something isn’t a fucking horror show of constant defeat.”

I let ignorance radiate. It was a quiet and gentle freedom, utterly foreign…

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 25 — “La Rue des Oiseux” (pdf)

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 26 of ZAZEN will be posted Monday, December 7. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

I started with FEMA maps.
“This is how they cost out earthquake damage.”
I laid one on the drafting table so Jules could see.
“Sometimes people call them Ground Failure Maps or Hazard Maps. They show you where the land is unstable and prone to liquefaction.”
He leaned over. I traced a river gorge.
“Check that out.”
Jules brought the arm light closer.
“And if you think that’s bad, look at this.”
I unfolded a second map.
“That’s the city.”
Jules shook his head.
“I can’t believe you can just get these.”
“Everybody has them. It’s how they sell insurance.”
But it’s not like we were going to blow up a volcano or anything. Toppling a transmission tower was really a civil engineering problem. My job was just to figure out whether soil improvement techniques could be crudely adapted to destabilize land on a slope…

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 24 — “Hazard Maps”

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 25 of ZAZEN will be posted Friday, December 4. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

I began to sense the work going on beneath the seed-based cheeses and ‘zines. An undercurrent of excitement bearing no relationship to anything on the surface and which ran through the most trivial interactions. I recognized the feeling from my childhood, the excitement that was there when people came to our house. Or when we went to theirs and slept over or drove back late. Credence, Cady and I would spend the whole day running around with all the other kids, chasing chickens or playing in the forest in our underwear, then get carried to bed half-asleep while the adults talked. There was nothing they said that I could pin the feeling to, but I knew it like a smell or a quality of air. It was so familiar that when I caught it again as an adult, it hurt. It was a ghost from a lost world and I was the only survivor, that’s how it felt…

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 23 — “Disco” (pdf)

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 24 of ZAZEN will be posted Thursday, December 3. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

I had been with Grace and Miro in a hundred kitchens like that. Everything was wood, metal, paper or glass; nothing was disposable. I knew where to look for cloth filters, tea, compost buckets and co-op containers of peanut butter, honey and tahini. I knew how the bread would taste, how the clay mugs would feel and how cold the kitchen would be until people came and it got warm from the bodies. I knew someone would have to boil the water for the dishes and someone would have to bury the trash at night so the bears didn’t get it. And if you couldn’t feel the despair that was in everything, if you were numb to the intense loss at the center of it all, it was like stepping right into a children’s story…

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 22 — “Deer Teeth” (pdf)

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 22 of ZAZEN will be posted Tuesday, December 1. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

The Blackberry Apocalypse was settling into a traffic menace and maybe Sasha was right that not much had actually changed, but I saw it differently. Over the digital streams and dammed expressways, my flag flew like gauze in front of the stars…

Download: ZAZEN, Chapter 21 — “Into the Snow” (62k, pdf)

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 22 of ZAZEN will be posted Tuesday, December 1. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

“Red is all access, open to anything. Blue is hetero only. Pink is girl on girl—don’t say it, I’ve already gotten a rash of shit from the leather dykes—black is boy on boy, which doesn’t apply…Safety Orange means you just want to watch and probably shouldn’t be here anyway and you’re not wearing that one because I would never speak to you again if you did and…I guess that’s it. Red, blue or pink. Which is it?”

“Red,” I said and slipped the bracelet she handed me onto my wrist…

Download:
ZAZEN, Chapter 20 — “Dancehall” (pdf, 99k)

The Story: It’s the very near-future, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—or a neighborhood near you. 27-year-old Della Mylinek has suffered some kind of breakdown after failing to stop the construction of a local Walmart. In an attempt to regain psychological, financial and emotional stability, she’s moved in with her brother and his pregnant wife and taken a job waiting tables at a vegan restaurant. But her anger remains, and one thing leads to another…

“Zazen” Keywords: geology, veganism, the apocalypse, urban planning, yoga, sex parties, bombs, anarchism, aging new-left revolutionaries, strip malls, paleontology, dark hippies, transcendentalism, lavender hair dye.

The Author: Vanessa Veselka is a writer and musician living in Portland, Oregon. She has been, at various times, a teenage runaway, a sex-worker, a union organizer, a student of paleontology, an expatriate, an independent record label owner, a train-hopper, a waitress and a mother. Her work has appeared in Bust, Bitch, Maximum Rock ’n’ Roll, Yeti Magazine and Tin House. Zazen is her first novel. She is online at vanessaveselka.wordpress.com

The Serial: Chapter 20 of ZAZEN will be posted Thursday, November 25. There are 30 chapters in all.

Previous chapters available for download after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »