ARTHUR MAGAZINE ARCHIVE

A Case of Cheney Paranoia

To go with the case of Chivas Regal.
I am the first vice president of the United States
To actually be the president of the United States
Simultaneously, but really I am
President of the Senate and in the legislative branch
So subpoenaing me about documents related to executive privilege
Will be futile since I am between branches
No law actually covers me
And everything the president does, as Nixon said, is legal.
Like conservatives everywhere
I hate and fear the government except when we can milk it like
The cash cow it is.
Since I am the government
I hate and fear myself.
And you wonder why I’m trying to keep it a secret.